


You're like an anchor on my soul

by Basic_instinct40



Category: The Magicians (TV), The Magicians - Lev Grossman
Genre: F/F, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-07
Packaged: 2020-01-06 09:36:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18385796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Basic_instinct40/pseuds/Basic_instinct40
Summary: My first attempt at The Magicians fic. My heart bleeds for Quentin and Eliot, but I'm attracted to the  complexities of Kady, Penny23, and Julia. As well as them having their own little contingency plan if Quentin loses his small amount of control over of the Monster. Plus I think that Penny23 would see the same things that Penny40 saw in Kady leading to feelings. I have other stories ideas on these three so if anyone likes this I will try my best to get them out before the season ends. Welp tell me how you like it.





	You're like an anchor on my soul

Kady stepped into the smokey bar, searching for a empty barstool, preferably one where she wouldn't have to sit next to anyone. She found one near the end of the bar and raised her eyebrows at the bartender to get his attention. She needed several drinks after the shit show of a situation back at the loft with Penny 23 and Julia. Why she was the one who left when it was technically her place, Kady didn't know; she was sure there was a whole mess of mental shit to unpack there, but she was filled up for the moment without dealing with that inadequacy, fuck you very much.

She ordered a whiskey neat and savored the first taste taste of liquor as it poured down her throat. Her veins itch for something a hell of a lot stronger, but she wasn't feeling quite that self-destructive tonight. Plus the way Julia had looked at her for days afterwards -- finally wearing her down to go and seek treatment -- was enough to keep her away. The thought of Julia’s disappointment pushed Kady to down her drink in one go and she signaled for another one. The argument had been one of the more brutal kind, but Kady was tired of Julia acting like everything between the three of them was fine, was normal. That Julia wasn’t slowly falling in love with Penny 23, that Kady hadn’t caught Penny 23 giving her confusing, longing looks now or started keeping tabs on her. Julia and Kady still hadn’t even worked out their unresolved shit, and she knew that they were in crisis mode right now with Quentin’s Monster and the fucking library, but truthfully, when weren't they not in crisis mode?

She scoffed into her drink, swallowing it all in one go. She felt looser now, but knew if she wanted to go back home tonight she would have to get a lot drunker, so she raised her glass along with two fingers to let him know to make it a double. Kady ran her fingers through her curls working the tangles out, rubbing her head slightly. She had gone to the apartment earlier that night after spending days with Pete setting up new safe houses. She was tired, but satisfied; content. Not something she had felt in quite some time. The battle with the library was big, but Hedges have always been outcasted and hunted. The game of survival was nothing new for Kady, but she was glad to be a part of this change, and perhaps finally giving people like her a real chance to hone their magical abilities.

Julia had been standing in the living room when she let herself in earlier that night, looking like she had been waiting for her. Kady had smiled on reflex when she caught sight of the other woman, her long brown hair done in waves and in a crisp white button-up shirt and black jeans. Julia always made Kady feel messy in comparison, especially since she was pretty sure she had been in the same jeans, tank top, and leather jacket for two straight days. Nonetheless, Julia gave her a smile that made her feel as though she wasn’t covered in two days worth of other people's shit. 

“Hey, baby,” Julia said as she waved, making Kady feel warm from head to toe. “Come sit,” she gestured to the grey sectionals.

Kady walked over, wondering where Quentin or the Monster was. She was about to ask when Julia grabbed her hand and said the arrangement of words that usually prefaces life’s pivot points: “I have to tell you something.” Immediately Kady stiffened up. Julia explained the binder, getting goddess powers back, how she would have to be possessed by the Monster’s sister for a short period, but also how Margo went to the desert and got these axes that removed spirits.

Honestly Kady just stopped listening after a while and started to memorize Julia’s face. She remembered how after Penny -- her Penny not some stranger with his face who she had confusing feelings for -- died she regretted not just looking at him more. She loved the way he looked, and in Kady’s most honest moments she could admit to herself that she loved the way Julia looked. She didn’t ever want to forget that. So she tuned her out and memorized the way Julia’s delicate mouth moved. 

“And Quentin says that this could really work. He has this all planned out, and Penny will just travel me away, so --”. Kady’s face twisted up in annoyance and she yanked her hand out of Julia’s grasp.

“You gotta be fucking kidding me, Jules,” Kady said, throwing her hands out in frustration. She wanted to punch something. “Quentin’s plan?”, she snapped. “I thought you said a dragon told you about this book and Alice found it for you, which yeah, sounds fucked up when I say it out loud, but Quentin’s plans usually gets us killed or worse.” Kady was scared now, which made her pissed. Where was Penny 23? “Was he just going along with this?”, she wondered.

“Kady, come on, this is a chance for me to get my powers back and to help Q,” Julia said, eyes wide with indignation. “This could be it for me, for all of us.” Of course Kady knows she should be more sympathetic, and she wants to soften at Julia plea, but Kady had always hated the way Julia got her powers. Hated that they would never be rid of Reynard no matter time or distance. Kady had never forgiven herself for the way she ran when Reynard came, but she followed through when it came to getting Julia’s revenge, even if it didn't end up how Kady wanted it.

Kady wanted to tell her to leave this goddess mess behind, to take the invulnerability, and run with it, but that wasn't Julia. She didn't stop when she got kicked out of Brakebills and she wouldn't stop now. Julia loved magic and she loved her friends. She was a martyr to her very core, but Kady was just so wholly exhausted of losing. She could survive a great deal, but she didn't know if she could live in a world without Julia.

“Where’s Penny 23, Julia?”, Kady snapped, knowing what she was going to have to do. “I asked him to take a walk so we could talk,” Julia replied looking confused. Kady almost never asked about the other Penny unless she was gone for longer than a week. “What does he have to do with this?”, Julia asked.

Kady ignored her. She dropped her mental shields, and reached out for Penny 23, focusing the way she had been taught back at school by Penny 40. Her shields were some of the best in the group from growing up with magic, and when her mind made contact with the other Penny she slammed into his, ignoring the bittersweet familiarity to it. In an instance he was there next to her, and she quickly put her well-placed mental block back up.

“Julia!”, Penny said in a loud voice looking at the smaller woman first before turning to face Kady, “What's wrong, what happened?”, he continued. Kady was briefly startled when he took two steps towards her, his hands out as if to grab her. Before he could reach her she fixed him with a hard look. He pulled his arms back and held himself instead, glaring at them both.

“You called?”, he asked emotionless. Julia pursed her lips and pointed at Kady, who was now getting up from the couch. She walked away slowly, her back to both of them, but she could see their reflection in the large window that took up half the skyrise. The sun had just set, casting the city and the inside of the apartment in a faint blue luminous light. She watched her companions reflections as their eyes found each others and focused back on her back again. Distorted, but still mesmerizing. She thought about Jane Chatwin’s other time loops and wondered momentarily about her other selves. Was it always a Penny and Julia for her? Perhaps this was the exception. She waved the thought away. Oh, well. Spilled milk and all, she thought. 

“You both do realize Quentin is in love with Eliot, right?”, Kady said to them her back still turned. She saw their reflections stiffen and before either one could respond she turned around to face them, trying her best not to shout. “Look, I get it, it’s none of my business and it’s like all of our “thing”,” she air-’quoted’, “to be emotionally stunted and not talk about our shit, but we can no longer ignore the sad sack that is Coldwater, and the way he looks at that thing wearing Eliot’s body.”

Penny nodded firmly, gesturing at Julia. “I know, I told that her that the little freak has been more off than usual --”. Julia cut him off and sat up even straighter on the couch, her voice clear and sharp. “Q is handing his shit, okay,” she said firmly, meeting Kady in the eyes. “And I’m helping handle it, which is why I need you two there when we do this.”

Kady gave a harsh laugh and walked back over to the couch, Julia’s calm composure stoking the swelling fire in her chest more. “Okay, Jules, here's the hard truths about your childhood friend Q: He’s going to say whatever he needs to say to get Eliot back. That’s what he has been doing, and now you are saying Margo is back?” Kady shook her head in disbelief, dispelling, “Those two will never let him go no matter what the cost.” At this point Penny took a step towards Julia as if to block Kady’s words from Julia. Kady angrily waved him off. “He can help or he can fuck-off,” she thought, but this needed to be said. “I know you love Quentin and I care about the kid, truly. I get what --”, her voice began to shake as she tried her best not to look at the man standing near her. “I get what he is going through more than you know, but he will sacrifice you for Eliot. Margo being here will make it that much easier.” Kady threw her hands up and looked at the Other Penny for support. She could tell he didn't approve of her method, but he moved closer to her.

His tone was softer than hers, and she had a flashback of playing good cop, bad cop back when she was Sam, the detective. “By whatever means necessary,” she thought. “Jules, listen,” Penny 23 started, “I think Kady is just trying to say that we all need to go into this with our eyes open wide. We got blindsided on the quest for the Keys and we lost each other, lost time.” Penny reached down to kneel in front of Julia putting his hands in hers. “Kady and I just want time, that’s all.”

Times like this Kady could see the bigger differences between the two men. Her Penny had been more like her: rougher childhood, more drugs, and less time for all this talking bullshit. This Penny hadn’t ended up in foster care and had taken to his psychic powers easier than Penny 40. His edges weren’t as sharp and Kady couldn't tell yet if that was a positive or negative.

Julia had just given them both a small smile and squeezed Penny 23’s hand before standing herself up. She was the smallest of the three, but Kady would never described her as such. Julia reached up to cup Penny’s face with her tiny hand her. “I know, baby. I know, but if we do this right there will be nothing but time.”

“And if we ask you not to,” Kady said, looking everywhere, but at them. “If Penny and I ask you not to do this, will you find another way? Because if you do this and it goes wrong, you may have to force us to do something neither one of us wants to do.” At this Kady looked up but Julia was already in front of her, quick and quiet.

Her wide brown eyes never leaving Kady, Julia said, “What about you, Penny? Will you ask me not to?”, both women had dropped the ‘23’ for now, the topic more important than passive aggression through distinction.

He looked at Kady and she pleaded at him with her eyes to understand, to be on her side for once. If Julia went through with this and things went to hell, as they usually did, someone would end up dead. Kady wouldn't let that be Julia. He hesitated for a second too long and that was enough for Kady to decide for them both.

“Pussy,” she said abrasively. “You think you’d be tired of losing Julia’s.”

“Fuck you, Kady” he spit out, the words leaving his mouth with push. Kady didn’t care. She was already walking to grab her keys and wallet to head out the door. “Let Julia comfort the good one,” she thought. She was almost to the door when Julia called out, “Kady!” She turned to face Penny and Julia. It hurt to look at them both head on. They both forced her to recall her greatest moments, failures, and loves all in one. She hated and loved them both with equal parts of fervor.

“I need you there when it happens,”Julia said, with a steady voice although Kady could see the beginning of tears in her eyes. “Please.” Kady took in the sight of them one more time before she walked out the door.

 

The bartender placed another drink and water in front of her, but Kady knew she hadn’t ordered anymore drinks. She knew her limit. She wanted to go home and pass out, not set fire to Penny 23’s stuff.

 

“Hey, man,” she waved to the guy, grabbing his attention. “I didn't order this one.” She picked up the drink as he walked over to her. “Here,” she said trying to give it back before he charged her.

“Nah,” he told her, jerking his thumbing to the other side of the bar. “Lady bought it for you,” he said giving her a sleazy wink.

Kady ignored the bartender, focusing her eyes to see the benefactor of her whiskey. Kady raised it towards the stranger in thanks, but did a quick detection spell to make sure she wasn't being roofied before she downed it. Wouldn't be the first time some weirdo thought she was an easy target. Finding it safe she felt drunk enough to wave the woman over. “Why the fuck not?”, she thought. “Who do I have to go home to?”

The woman’s name was Tess and she was some business executive or something boring and vague like that. Kady liked listening to her talk, her red hair, and all of the collection of freckles that spread all across Tess’ face. Kady wondered where else she had freckles and it was a nice thought. It wasn't her confusing thoughts about her boyfriend that wasn't actually her boyfriend who was in love with her best friend who she was also in love with -- or how they may have to kill a friend or two soon because Julia, along with Eliot, would be possessed by siblings. “Nope,” Kady thought as she downed the second drink nice, normal Tess bought for her. “No confusing thoughts here.”

She thought she could have a simple night as Tess slid her well manicured hand on up her thigh, asking her if she wanted to leave. Kady could see herself leaving with this woman. She could see it all play out, the simplicity of this woman. This woman just wanted her. No past lives to contend with, no failures to make up for just yet, and even if she did eventually let her down it would never be on the scale that she failed Julia or Penny. She entertained the idea of a simple life all panning out from this one night with nice, normal Tess.

“I… uh, I’ve got someone at home,” Kady admitted. “Two someones,” she thought to herself, “You have two someones.”  
“Sorry, it was a dick move to lead you on.” Kady threw some money down on the counter and dropped down off the barstool quickly, before the woman could say something. She felt off kilter as she walked out into night, but not too bad. She just wanted to go home and pee. And see them. The cold night air hitting her in the face whipped her curls all around. Not really in the mood for the stumble back, she grabbed her cell phone to get a Uber when she heard a loud pop.

“Your wards are shit when you’re drunk,” Penny 23 said from behind her. She turned to offer him a small smile allowing herself to be pleased to see him. Just him, not someone who wears the face of her ex-lover. She doesn't know when she’ll ever be able to think of him as her Penny, but maybe that's because he isn't. He’s theirs, her’s and Julia’s, or at least it’s looking that way. He walks up to her putting both hands around her face, his dark brown eyes meeting her bright green eyes. Kady feels sober all of sudden, but also like she’s just had the best hit of heroin.

“Once again,” he says, his thumb rubbing back and forth on her cheek, “Your wards are shit when you're trashed. You wanna gonna home?”, he asked, the two enjoying the pleasantry of the rhetorical question. She nods silently, fully opening up her mind to him so that he can see Julia followed by a memory of him and Julia earlier that night, her hand on his cheek. Home.

“Okay,” he says, leaning down and pressing a solemn, long kiss to her forehead, a first for him and her. Penny raises his head back up and grabs her hand lacing his fingers with hers, taking Kady home.

**Author's Note:**

> https://basic-insticnt40.tumblr.com/ 
> 
> is where I'm at


End file.
